Seeking More in Midlife, Without Doing More
This year Mother’s Day felt different.
Have you heard of Maycember? I heard it for the first time last week and it totally resonated with me. It’s the race to the end of the school year when parents (especially parents of Seniors in high school) are running around frantically, like in December, to go to all of the school events, sporting events - and graduation - but without holiday cheer. It is especially poignant because the Seniors are doing so many things for the last time. While our son is celebrating his “lasts,” I feel nostalgic, and sometimes cry, because his school days are almost over. I’m grieving his loss of innocence as he grows up and prepares to leave for college in a few months.
As he enters college, and a new stage in his life, my husband and I will find ourselves in a new stage of life too. We will be living in a very different rhythm. The house will be quieter. We will spend our time differently. The structure of school and sports will be gone. If this sounds like anything you are going through or have recently experienced, have you had a chance to ask yourself, What’s next for me?
There comes a time when you realize you can’t keep pushing and doing more.
Creating space for more calm, clarity, and meaning in your life means doing more of what you want to do.
Structure Isn’t Restrictive — It’s Supportive
When life revolves around everyone else’s needs, you live reactively. You wake up feeling behind, pulled in too many different directions. By the time evening comes, you are so tired you don’t want to do anything. Just crawling under a blanket and zoning out is all you can handle.
Things are about to be different. Creating a structure to your day that allows you to live your life fully will offer the stability you didn’t know you needed.
Having a morning and evening routine can set you up to have a good day and relax and sleep well. They signal safety to a nervous system that has been on high alert for years. They create predictability in a schedule that feels unfamiliar.
It’s helpful to take some time just for yourself to feel grounded. A few quiet moments can help you get oriented and reset during your day.
The same is true at night. Feeling ready for tomorrow can help you relax at night. It’s an act of kindness to yourself to wake up in a calm space with a clear mind. It is reassuring to know that you are ready to face the next day.
Your Energy Is Not Unlimited
When you begin to value your time and energy the way you’ve always valued everyone else’s, boundaries naturally come into focus. Planning time for yourself isn’t indulgent. It’s restorative.
Whether that time is spent moving your body, being creative, walking in silence, or simply doing nothing at all, you will feel nourished and well cared for.
You Are Allowed to Need Support
Independence has served you well up to this point but it’s also OK to ask for help. This phase of life is about sustainability. It’s time to take care of your body, your mind, and your future with the same care you have poured out for everyone else.
Your relationship with yourself is the longest one you will ever have. Your actions are an investment in yourself and your future.
Looking Ahead
Preparing for the days and weeks ahead gives you clarity. When you can see what’s coming, you can move through life with more ease.
There’s power in slowing down to look forward and to make room for rest, nourishment, connection, and joy.
Success at this stage of life is an invitation to seek more intention, energy, and time to enjoy your life now.
Whether you’re grieving, redefining your priorities, or quietly seeking more joy and meaning, ask yourself, How can I make myself feel good today?
That’s the new secret of success.
